Elefante he be cookin’!! First up he make the Gazpacho…

James Food


Gazpacho! Lets get started!

Gazpacho! Let’s get started!

Welcome to the cooking exploits of Elefante – yes he’s an elephant and he really is cookin’!!

Do you like soup ? (I mean who doesn’t, right?) And are you ridiculously lazy? (Again who isn’t, right??) Well this is for you. It’s soup and you don’t even have to cook it! Yes, you heard me right, let’s make uncooked soup!

All the recipes on ‘Elefante He Be Cookin’ use good wine. It’s essential to all my recipes, cooking process and the well-being of all involved.
I’ve chosen a strong Californian blend ‘Apothic Red’; a heady mix of ┬áZinfandel, Syrah, Merlot and Cab Sav. Note:┬áHave a second bottle in case of emergencies.

As you can see I’ve poured myself a small glass to get started.


Gazpacho! Ingredients

Gazpacho! Ingredients

The stuff that goes into it (or ingredients to you master chefs).

Tomato Juice – 1 pint (cheap stuff works)
Cucumber – half
Tin of Toms – drained and seeded (if you can be arsed, I can’t)
Onion – chopped
Pepper Sauce – 1/2 tsp (or as much you want chilli-head)
Red Wine Vinegar – 4 dessert spoons (or any vinegar, cheap skate)
Clove of Garlic – chopped (depending on your laziness)
Basil – about a hand full (depending how big your hands are)
Salt ‘n’ Pepper
Bell Pepper – chopped (optional)
Extra Virgin Olive Oil – (optional and fancy)

Have a small sip of wine, it’s dangerous to continue without!

Now basically, like, just chop stuff up.

Gazpacho! Chopped

Gazpacho! Chopped

Oh and top up that wine people, like I have! You can easily dehydrate making this recipe if you’re not careful!

Gazpacho! Blend my Friend

Gazpacho! Blend my friend

Now add all the stuff to a blender.

You can use a hand blender if you don’t have a proper one. I wouldn’t though it takes ages and ends up a bit rubbish. If you don’t have a proper blender I would give up at this stage. Just throw everything away and go to the pub. You’ve basically wasted your time and money. With hindsight I probably should have mentioned this earlier.

Then blend my friend! Attend to the blend!

At this point I usually reward myself with a beer or four.

Any beer will do, I find those on special offer or with a high-alcohol content the most rewarding.

Gazpacho! And Breath

Gazpacho! And Breath!

That’s it -really you’re pretty much done!

OK you’ve been over working yourself my friend, so pour yourself another small glass of the juice of bacchus.

You will probably have to open the emergency wine at this point. But what the hell you deserve it!!

Add more of any the ingredient stuff you want, salt, pepper, hot sauce or whatever really.

The additional of vodka makes this the perfect pre-church Sunday soup, the congregation will all be your special friends.

Gazpacho! Presentation is key

Gazpacho! Presentation is key

Remember, presentation is everything.

Pour into a special petite glass or jam jar.

Then lay a small slice of toasted pitta or generic sliced white bread on top. Lemon or lime quarter to squeeze in works well, or hey, more vodka

Your guests will love it!!

Now is the time to celebrate your (lack of) cooking success!! Open your super secret emergency bottle of wine and tuck in.

That’s all for now, thank you and good night.

For more Elefantine fun check out my website!

It’s Elefante’s Website!